Hi Shutradhar, I am 20 and live in London. I have been in a relationship for more than 2 years. We love and understand each other very well. However my problem is that I have problem with his dress up. I like my boyfriend to be dressed in a way he looks smart but he doesn't care about it. He has started growing his hair long and he doesn't care about his looks. Whenever I try to tell him politely to dress smart in a more descent manner he replies, 'Isn't love all that matters to you, Why do you have to care about my looks?' This has really depressed me. I want a decent boyfriend who dresses smartly. How can I make him understand?? Please help me.
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Dear Kajma,
So what are the issues on which the two of you understand each other well? Did he use to dress up as sloppily in your initial dating days or is it a recent development? Consideration and care for each other should never diminish from a relationship regardless of the number of years spent together. So if he has started dressing up untidily recently you should question yourselves as to if he is taking the relationship for granted.
On the other hand just a decently dressed up guy cannot be the answer to your solution. Well dressed guys can be the worst friends to have at times.
shutradhar
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sukanya rana,F,20 writes,
hi mam, I have a boyfriend. He is from Bramin family. I am from Chettri family. My family is strong financially and well educated but my boyfriend’s family is poor and not
educated. They are proud to be from Bramin family. His family is against our relationship. He told me that he can't leave his family. So sometimes he fights with me on this topic. I don't know what is his opinion but I love him very much. Our choices also do not match. Tell me in this situation what should I do?
Dear Sukanya,
Frankly, the issue of caste and class should not be the hurdle for any couples in love in this day and age! If our younger generation also accept this age old belief without questions our society is never going to change for the better. Being a Brahmin or Chetri or any other caste for that matter should stop being the main issue. There are many other important issues that need to be focused on and given consideration for a successful relationship or marriage. Your boyfriend also needs to be sure of what he wants. Do not be alone in trying to make the relationship work.
shutradhar
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Amit,M,30 writes,
My wife is a very stubborn lady. She sometimes acts like a sheep. I get irritated sometime and want to leave her. What can I do for this problem please suggest me.
Dear Amit,
What are her plus points? What brings out the stubborn nature in her? If you could give more details I would be in a better position to help.
Shutradhar
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kalu,F,22 writes,
hello shutradhar! I m a chhetri grl and in lov with a Newar guy. My parents will never accept our relationship and his family do the same. We are in a problem.......we both love each other a lot. He is qualified and a well job holder with good habits. I don't wana loose him. We are both happy with our relationship. I don't know how to convince out parents. Plz help us.And the other problem is that my boyfriend loves me a lot but he is connected with his ex-girlfriend. He can't stop missing her 'which I can't tolerate. What should I do?
<P>Dear Kalu,</P>
<P>If your boyfriend and you are sure of your relationship then both of you should gather enough courage and face your families. You are prepared for opposition, so let your families have their say. Prepare what the two of you would like to say to them to convince them to let the two of you get married. At this day and age the younger generation should have enough courage to change the concept of castes and class.</P>
<P>shutradhar</P>
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Fred,M,21 writes,
I am having a pathetic time coz I am in a state of chaos. I have been in a relation for two years with a gal. We even stayed together for a year and now I am abroad and she is in Nepal, but the thing is that, I found that she is in love with her chat friend who is also abroad (they have not met each other yet) but she didn’t love me like before when she had relation with her chat friend. Later on I found the mail that she sent him through her Hotmail, firstly she tried to defend herself saying its not the mail that she sent, rather its her friend who did it, But later I compelled her to ....She said that it was a mistake she made and she will not repeat the same, besides, she said that was only through chat. I couldn’t believe that the gal who loved me so much, who sacrificed so much for me would turn her deaf ears. She calls me and asks for forgiveness, but how can I trust her after all that hell like thing, I am entirely perplexed and hope that you can help me out...." Can I still trust her and continue the relation or should I have to let it go???" Help me out mam...if possible send it in my mail.
<P>Dear Fred,<BR><BR>Do you love her enough to trust her again? Obviously you feel betrayed but it completely depends on you as to if you have the heart to trust her and work on your relationship. She in turn will have to be extra careful as not to trample on your feelings again. If like she says, she is truly sorry for what she did then you shall be able to know through her actions and words!</P>
<P>Shutradhar</P>
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krishna,M,28 writes,
I am male from ktm, I am married and have an extra-marital relationship with another married woman. In the beginning it was fun with her and I continued with that relationship but now I am very serious about it. Now I don't wish to continue with this extra-marital relationship with her since I am married and have a child. I am worried of my family and I want to stop it. But she is too crazy about me. Her husband is not in Nepal so she wants to continue with the relation. I am scared of the society and my family. I don't want to leave my family because I love my family and my wife specially. In this condition what should I do? Please suggest ....
<P>Dear Krishna,</P>
<P>You already have the answer! You have said that you want to stop the extra marital affair that you’re having. So go ahead and end it. You have to be strong and be able to convey the message across to her! <BR>Shutradhar</P>
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KBM,M,45 writes,
I have 2 kids and my family life is going sound but my partner never cares about her body, which previously was maintained and I liked. What is suggestion do you have from your side to keep her mind and body beautiful as before ?
Dear Kbm,
You have raised an issue that is very much common in our society. Many women do let go of themselves after marriage especially after child birth. You should put across to her and let her know how you feel about her not caring about herself anymore. But be sure to put across your thoughts carefully.
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Jana,F,32 writes,
Hi,i m divorced woman, I was looking for soul mate through ur website. six months ago I found this guy through your website, he is 45 n I am 32, once we started dating each other, he was very loving n caring at first, slowly he started ignoring me and tried to hurt my feelings for no reason, he is a divorced guy too, and now he searching for a girl to get married, he take advantage of my weakness used me for intimate physical relationships. Now he says he doesn't want me anymore. After 8yrs, I was ready to love someone and I tried my level best to give him 100% of me. I have suffered a lot in past, I am very decent woman, I hardly trust guys n don't keep in touch with anyone. Now I am madly in love with this old guy but he wants to take me out from his life, should I teach him lesson? I am very honest n loyal with this guy, whenever he wants to make love with me, only then he calls me otherwise, he doesn't even answer my calls or sms. Every time he makes love with me, I feel I am a bloody whore, but I cant stop loving him and can't take him out of my life. I had cried a lot for him. I am going crazy and my mind isn't working at all. He is still looking for a gal to use her for his desires...he is very, well educated and civil officer? pls advice I need suggestion...
Dear Jana,
I want you to remember something; ‘just because you’re a good person doesn’t mean that life will always be fair to you’. I also see the need for you to stop playing the victim and start living your life with the wisdom gained from your past experiences.
You are aware of the fact that this man is just using you. Yet you are letting him do so. So more than him, it is you who needs to really come to your senses and give him the royal boot. You are mature enough to know that it is ultimately in the core of your heart that you find true contentment or happiness is I may term it so. Stop depending on external factors or people for happiness. If you want you can live your life on your terms with your head held high and your conscience clear. Widen your perspectives and focus on other good things in life. Life is too exciting and beautiful to be viewed with blinkers on!
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Shutradhar Writes Back
Dear Kajma,
So what are the issues on which the two of you understand each other well? Did he use to dress up as sloppily in your initial dating days or is it a recent development? Consideration and care for each other should never diminish from a relationship regardless of the number of years spent together. So if he has started dressing up untidily recently you should question yourselves as to if he is taking the relationship for granted.
On the other hand just a decently dressed up guy cannot be the answer to your solution. Well dressed guys can be the worst friends to have at times.
shutradhar
