Dear Shutradhar sis, I am 26, male, residing in Kathmandu. I had been too much study and career focused in my life. Now, I think I am at right age to marry or at least to find a girl right for my life. But I have had a very less interaction with girls. I do not find proper channels to get introduced to girls whom I can see or build up a relationship. Please advice me how I should proceed to find a right girl for my life. Thanks & Best Regards,
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Dear Chhitiz, There are no set procedures to find a right girl in one's life. You may meet her anywhere, anytime and most probably at a time when you are least prepared. If by chance you do happen to see or come across a person with whom you want to start a long term relationship, be brave enough to go up to her and introduce yourself. You can start by starting up a conversation on general matters proceeding on to inquire on her personal issues of interests. It is always best to start by being friends. Good Luck Shutradhar
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Poor lama Bhai, M, 25 writes,
Dear Srijana Didi, Namaste, I am in love with a married woman who has 5 yrs old daughter. But she left her husband long time ago. She doesn't want to keep any relationship with him. She wants to forget everything even her child who is now with her husband. Actually, she was married with him on the age of 15 and her husband was 10 yrs older than she. She is now 23 yrs old. When she reached 20th yrs then she realized gaps of age and uncomfortable life with him. She was frustrated with life and walked away from him. when I first spoke to her I found her so frustrated with her life and I consoled her. I showed her lots of love and we fell deeply in love. I adore her. She adores me. She had been to my house and my family. My family like her and they want me to marry her. But my family doesn't know the fact. Even her some family member knows about our relation is. Now I am so confused. Whatshould I tell to my family? What will happen if they come to know about it ? If I marry her what type of hindrance will her earlier husband bring ? All these questions are killing me each night. Another fact, is that in 5 yrs of knowing each other, we have met each other only 5 times. The last time was a month ago & now she said the period has stopped. We are out of our homeland in two different foreign countries what to do? Please Srijana didi give me good advice so "Sarpa pani marne lathi pani na bhachne"
Dear Lama Bhai, If you enter into a certain situation in life you have to be prepared to deal with the after-effects of it. I am firstly amazed that you have met only 5 times in your 5 years of relationship. The problem seems to be that you are in two different places. You have to be very sure of each other's feelings. If you are certain that both of you share equal footing in your relationship, you have to start by sharing the truth with your family. Since you have no problem with her past you should also not have any problem with what your family or other people say about your relationship. If you want to legalize your relationship, you need to take the required steps. She should start by breaking all ties with her earlier husband legally. But the most important aspect is to be confident that the person loves you and cares about you as much as you do. Shutradhar
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krishna sharma, M, 24 writes,
I want to enjoy love marriage in my life but till now I have no affair, I need to marry early for my own reason, but what I don't want is an arranged marriage. Please suggest me what can I do?
Dear Krishna, To want to have a love marriage and to want it according to your time convenience is not quite a logical demand. Love marriages are not something that you plan within a certain time frame. Firstly, to be in love, you need to come across a person who reciprocates your feelings. If due to various reasons your chances of feeting such a person is very low then you might want to take the help of friends and relatives in introducing you to prospective brides. Your meeting might be 'arranged' but who knows you might grow to love her after you get to know her better! Shutradhar
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Smart SST, M, 21 writes,
Respected shutradhar ji, here is a story. I am right now in USA. I am in love with a girl for the past 3 years. It was very good in falling in love and she also used to love me. but these days she says she love me but it sounds as if she in dilemma whether she loves me or not. she does not give me any importance but she gives importance to her friends including boys and girls. I am here in USA for 2 years and hasn't got any calls from her side but I used to call her veryday and I stopped it now because her mother does not like it. But the main story is that I love her very much. I can't live without her and can't imagine my life without her. She says she loves me but I don't think it's enough. Is saying I love you enough? is this love?
Good question! Is this love? No, being obsessed with someone is not love. Considering your age. You are just 21. There are many other things in life that you still need to understand. I feel your girlfriend has her priorities right. This is the time you concentrate on the goals of your life and get to know friends. I suggest you should also try to get out of your fixation for the girl and move on with your life. It will be better for you.
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Nitu F, 20 writes,
Both of us love each other seriously not in side of showing our birth kundali to any of the Jyotisish but the thing that is digging upon me is, will it go ok without showing or not?I don't know will it be better to show or not? We don't want an hassle by listening if something is not matching within us.
Matching birth kundalis are just a part of what is expected in certain communities to be joined in the unison of marriage. It is totally upon individuals to believe or not to believe in following what the kundalis suggest. So if you are really curious as to what they say you can consult a reputed jyotis. Just do not consult anybody.
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Rabina, F, 30 writes,
I don't know what kind of question can I ask for you but I want to ask that what to do to be a good wife for husband's actual love ?
Firstly remember that you need to be you to be loved by your husband. You should never try to change your behavior or pretended to be what you are not just to impress your husband. What matters most is that he loves you for what you are with all your good points and flaws.
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sabeena, F, 24 writes,
I got marriaged 6 months back. My husband is a police officer and he is always suspicious of me. I feel he is not happy with me but he doesn't tell me anything. Please suggest what should I do?
Some people have this deep rooted insecurity complex in them which become part of their personality and they show it in different ways. Your husband's behavior is one of the way of showing that he is actually projecting his own insecurity complex. This can also be traced back to his growing up phase. At times, with time and a lot of love and openness between partners this attitude diminishes but if the attitude doesn't change, it becomes very difficult for the couple to live together. At times like these, the affected partner needs to make a serious decision leading towards living his/her life happily. This might mean choosing to live your life the way you want. The bottom line is to be content and find peace within yourself.
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Khusi, F, 21 writes,
I don't have perfect written English so I'm writing in Roman. Didi malai 1 jana married manche le yekdam nahi chahancha, ra hamro vet vayeko 2 years vahisakyo ahile hami bicha ma sabahi relation huncha, ani ahile yo time ma malai mero family bata bihe ko lagi yekdam force gaairakheko cha, ani mahile uslai malai accept gara vanchu, usle vancha 1, 2 years pakha vancha matra, ma ahile 21 years vaye, ma B.A. second year padhdei chu. Ani di usle afno wife ra 2 child lai ni utikai maya garcha, usle afno wife chadna chahadeina, yehi kura le malai yekdam tension vahiracha, ra arko problem usko wife le hamro relation alli alli thaha payera malai phone, message bata torture dinche, marne dhamki samet dinche, ani maile uslai yo kura vanda usle timi ahile chup lagera basa time aayepachi sabahi kura milayera ma timlai bihe garchu vancha tara aja voli malai usko kura le nahi irritate huna thaleko cha, ma uslai aba sakesamma chadna chahanchu, kasari chadne 1, 2 din try ni garchu tara sakdina. Plz mero problem afnai jasto thanera ans dinu la.
Dear Khushi,
I can answer your question in just one line - Just forget him, leave him and move on. His behavior shows that he is a very selfish, self-centered man who does not deserve to be loved by someone like you. You are too young to be wasting your time over a person like him. Leave him immediately, you will definitely find better friends as you move on. Shift your focus to other interesting issues. Gather friends around you who are full of positive energy. Laugh, enjoy life and be 'khushi' like you have been named.
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